If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
