peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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