Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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