look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
