I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
