she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize