kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
