hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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