At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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