Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
