Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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