remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
