I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
