any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
