In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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