3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
