my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
