Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
