I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
