Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
