I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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