it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
