Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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