so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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