just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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