i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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