the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
