I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize