Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
