Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
