I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
