The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
