Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
