When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
