Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
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Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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