Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
