I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
