Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
