the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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