Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
