I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
