"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
