You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
no. you can't hotbox the world.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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