my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
