I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
