Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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