I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
