hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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