a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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