we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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