dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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