I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
