so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
