HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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