direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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