i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
