R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
