Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
