i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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