Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
