He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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