i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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