i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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