he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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