Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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