3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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