kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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