Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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