fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
