i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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