so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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